How and Why to Have the Money Conversation with your Fiancé BEFORE You Get Married: Part III

Aug 21, 2019

By: Hannah

If you’ve been following along with us this summer, we’ve been sharing how and why to have the money conversation with your fiancé before you get married. And HEYYOO Part TRES of this crazy series is comin at you right now!!!

(oh if you missed the first two: here is PART I & PART II)

And to those of you, our loyal followers, who have been reading along with us all summer, I have a special treat. It’s a photo of us when we were newlyweds. Keep scrolling.

So we’ve been talking a lot about the approach – about how to have a successful conversation by examining your own attitudes and habits and then sharing then with your boo, and then setting yourselves up for success when you sit-down to have that chat. But we haven’t really talked about the why a whole lot. So yeah, you could say this post is a little out of order and that maybe we should have started with the why first . . . but we like to keep it interesting over here at the Bjorndal Blog so we are MIXIN IT UP and telling you the WHY last!


1. Full transparency means no surprises: Engaged folks, let me be the first to tell you that the last thing you want to enter your post-marital bliss is an unwelcome surprise about your partner’s spending habits, debt or secret splurges. It’s not necessarily that you’re keeping anything from each other on purpose, but (if you’re like me) you may not even realize your own spending habits or how they could affect your relationship long-term. Don’t let money be the first thing you fight about after the wedding day. Talk it out in advance!

2. Having the conversation can allow you to fully unite your lives: We believe that you become one in marriage, and this includes your bank account! Even if for purely practical reasons, having the conversation gets the ball rolling in the direction of one-ness. To be honest, it took Evan and I a while to combine bank accounts. It was a lot of hassle (especially when our local bank screwed up our paper work) and so we went for the first several months of marriage with two different accounts. It was such a drag because it was wayyyy harder to be united in how we spent money when we were looking at two totally different accounts. BUT, we knew that eventually, we’d be on the same page. Do yourselves a favor and be proactive by having the conversation (and don’t worry about it if it takes a while to get things set up afterwards! You’ll get there.)! 

3. You’ll understand each other’s needs: This one comes to you straight from Evan, who says: “I didn’t have to buy a lot of things that Hannah has to buy as a woman. I bought toothpaste, razor blades, a bar of soap, and deodorant three times a year and that’s about it. I came to realize all the basic things Hannah had to do for her hair, make-up, etc. It was generally just eye-opening to how different we were when it came to, let’s call it, ‘personal care.'”

4. You’ll understand each other’s priorities: How a person spends money is an insight into what is most important to them, even if you don’t realize it. As you start to think about your future lives as husband and wife, you may be surprised (both at your partner and yourself) as you look at spending habits. Having this conversation is such a great way to reflect as a couple about whether or not you like the way your money defines your current priorities, and then decide together what you want to change or stay the same when you get married.

5. You can plan for the future: Does it surprise you at all that Evan and I started planning for our future savings goals while we were still dating? LOL if you’re like us, this one can sometimes be taken a little too far pre-marriage, but that doesn’t mean that it’s a bad idea to talk about the BIG things that you hope and dream to do with your money someday. Take this opportunity to dream as a couple and understand each other’s goals. Better yet, make a few new goals together!

Overall, having the money conversation with your fiancé before you get married is meant to be revealing. It’s so important to know your partner really well before you make a lifelong commitment to one another. And since money can be such a huge point of tension for married couples, we encourage you to make it a priority to get it all out there before you’re married to set yourself up for success and harmony in year 1 of marriage!

Oh, and as promised:

Babies, freshly wed.

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